bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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