I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
