I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
