so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
