All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
