This is not my ceiling
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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