Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
