note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
