I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
