There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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