It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
