So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
