Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
