I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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