I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
