It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
