Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
