last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
