You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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