I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
