my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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