wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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