i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
