note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
