I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
