By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
