your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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