Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
