Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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