I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
