she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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