You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
