yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
