Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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