For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
