Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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