i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
