im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
