Me too!
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
