Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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