I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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