tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
