I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
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