I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
