They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
