I didn't shave. On purpose
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
this must be what syphilis tastes like
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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