so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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