Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
