Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
