if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
